This past weekend, I was out of town celebrating a friend’s new engagement! It was great to visit with friends, most that I haven’t seen since I moved for grad school last March. With the visit came the questions; all well meaning, but you know the type, intrusive.
Anyway, most people focused on my long distance relationship with Rog during small talk. Along the lines of:
- How he wants to continue working in the middle east after he passes the bar in July.
- How we are doing now, how we will do then…
- Who will move where.
I’ve obviously given this a lot of thought over the past few months. When I don’t know something, my best solution is to research. extensively. After all, why embark on a LDR if you have no intention of being together again IRL.
I have spoken with expats that live in erbil, I have read non-american news outlets to get a better picture of the region. I have basically not done one thing, watch cnn/fox.
He and I obviously care a lot for each other, but we aren’t certain yet whether this is who we want to spend our lives with forever. for-e-ver. So, the whole long distance and moving scenario has put a lot of pressure on us as a couple. I try to relax him as often as I can because he tends to be the anxiety riddled one – i know, hard to imagine…
We’ll figure it out when we get there if we are ready, is usually my response when we talk about it. I do truly believe that though; I can do my type of work almost anywhere, so I am not that worried finding something to work on that would build on my career.
In the mean time, I have researched to help navigate how I would feel about relocating to a more “safety is relative” area of the world. I honestly feel that I am okay with it, but wont be certain until I visit and spend some time there.
Roger and I were on the phone while I was driving back last night and I mentioned what I had looked into. He went from very happy about what I had done to extremely quiet. I joked that you’d think I had mentioned an engagement ring cut or something based on his volatile response. Apparently he sees the move as synonymous with getting married; okay, I guess I can see that… I mean, we did discuss that I wouldn’t move with him unless there was a promise made. A girl doesn’t move across the world from family and friends for a guy she kinda likes and might marry one day.
But on the other hand, I can’t consider dating him unless I know I am open to the idea of moving across the world. I need to know that I can even live there in that environment. That’s why I was researching. I was happy to find that I am fairly comfortable with the idea of living there (again, not considering him or marriage, just the country itself) excluding anything unexpected whenever I end up visiting next year. I thought he would share that happiness.
He did, briefly. Then flipped. Then was happy again when I explained my perspective… so, I am dating a drama momma… Nothing new though, I already knew this.
Signing off,
Liz
ldrlifeandlove 