Hi all,
It’s been a while since I updated you all on my relationship – or just life in general… Anyway, a lot has happened. Rog returned early January. The first couple of weeks were on and off difficult – he is living in the suburbs with his cousin and between my new job and his heavy course load, it’s been a little tight.
About two weeks ago he came over in the midst of a full fledged panic attack. He said that he wasn’t sure if we would be together forever and he was scared of us hurting each other a year down the line. He wondered if it would be easier to end our relationship now than a year down the line (in case it didn’t work out)…
I asked if he was happy with us as a couple. He said that he is, but he does have worries about hurting me. I asked whether he was focusing a lot on the changes coming his way in his life and just looking to cut ties? He replied that our lives are changing a lot right now, so of course that is weighing on him – for those that don’t know: he’s graduating law school this spring, taking the California bar in August, and trying to find work there, as well. He also said that he didn’t want to make decisions that were permanent, he just didn’t know what to do and wanted to be honest. We stayed the night together, just so I could take care of him – his panic attack was pretty severe. The next morning he told me he made the decision to see a therapist to work through his anxiety and determine how he feels.
I decided to leave for my parents that weekend so we could take some time to ourselves for a few days. I saw him when I came back into town this past Monday. We spoke that night about our relationship and decided what we had was too important to both of us to stop seeing one another. I’ve decided to take a minor step back from him to just focus on my own life and health.
It’s been a stressful week wondering how he is doing, but also wanting to give ourselves space. We spoke Thursday evening and decided that Friday (last night) was going to be focused on enjoying each other’s company.
We chose to go to the local gun range to release some stress and then we went out to a romantic meal. We spent the evening at my apartment and relaxed in bed all day today. It was such a wonderful start to the weekend, but now I am just left with an evening of House of Cards, chinese food and my own thoughts.
Here is my take – I care about him deeply. I don’t want to lose what I consider a wonderful relationship. I think space right now is key, I certainly don’t want to persuade him one way or the other. I want him to simply sort out his feelings.
Does anyone have any insights?
Signing off,
Liz
ldrlifeandlove 